Considering Loss

I lost a dear friend yesterday.  My dear friend, Sadie, made her last trip to the vet.  She was 14 or 15 years old, unclear as she had come to us as a rescue from the German Shepherd Rescue group.  She loved to roll in dead salmon, go for rides in the motor home,  play ball, and lie on the balcony to bark.  She hated baths and would cry so loudly at the Dog Wash that people would come to see what was wrong.  She loved all of us, and we all connected with her in distinct ways.  


In many ways, a pet is everyone's favorite family member.  They mostly like you and put up with any of your less than perfect behavior; they forgive quickly; and they demand little.  And they bring love, comfort, and even amusement to the family.  Their loss is profound, and even when the end is expected and inevitable, the grief is no less.  


Honoring loss, regardless of what form the loss takes, is no less than honoring what the person, or pet, brought to your life, to the shared relationship.  Acknowledging grief, being present with it, and knowing that the smiles will return validates the relationship.  It doesn't feel good; it isn't fun; but it is no less a part of the relationship than the bit of fish handed under the dinner table, or playing ball, or basking in the sun together.  


I'm looking forward to being able to smile when I think of her without blinking back tears.  I'm looking forward to not feeling hollow when the garage door opens, and Sadie is not there to wander out and stand in front of the car, a little confused and wondering why the door opened.  


Three wonderful girlfriends came to offer support and share my grief.  Their acts of kindness are almost as heartbreaking as Sadie's loss.  And I treasure their love and friendship more than I can express.


I always said that I hoped that when I am old, frail, and senile, that someone will sit with me in the sun,  make sure I'm fed and cared for, and that I am happy and pleasant, like Sadie.  I sat with her and petted her head and ears until she was gone.  I hope she felt the love as she slipped on.

Play Ball

Alaskan League baseball starts today with a double-header between the Anchorage Bucs and the Anchorage Glacier Pilots.  One of last year's standouts won't be back, as he was picked up by the Reds in the draft.  


Baseball is a funny sport.  It has the distinction of having rabid fans and followers for a game that essentially, involves a lot of standing around interspersed with moments of extreme activity.  The fan doesn't dare look away for long, however, because the activity will happen quickly and be over before realizing something is happening.


For me, baseball is an exercise in finding that place of less activity combined with the knowledge that it is ok to not be "accomplishing" anything useful.  I like to say that it is an excuse to sit in the sun and not feel guilty that the yardwork/housework/workwork is not getting done.  It is an opportunity to remember what summer is about.  Sunshine, friends, a fun game, and maybe a cool beverage.  


Summer is also about harvesting for winter, putting up fish and veggies for winter's consumption and taking care of home improvements, but that can wait a few hours for baseball. 


Summer is short.  Play Ball!